Spiritual Trip

This entry will be very different from my first. through meditation and writing i have spent the last few days expelling the poison that was trapped within me.
Few days ago i decided to go to the park and meditate. I had never meditated outside before. The idea of sitting alone in a park with my eyes closed made me feel uncomfortable. Everyone would look and wonder what's the skinny skinny doing?? I do have to mention that people around my area aren't very open minded. Sitting alone, with my vulnerable and fragile mind was like asking for it. All i needed was for some dumb ass teenagers poking fun.
It was nice & sunny out and i decided, well ok at least I'll go read in the sun. Ironically I'm reading a book my dear friend Myriam lent me; Eat, Pray, Love. The main character is on a quest to find herself and at that moment she was in India meditating. After reading for a good hour i looked up and saw trees at about 20m from me. Tall majestic trees, their leafs and branches dancing in the wind. I went into a daze looking at the trees and every movement of their branches. I closed my eyes to take a deep breath and to mu surprise i sat in the dark of my mind the sun shinning on me with the symphony of wind in the trees and kids playing around me.
I sat there concentrating on my self and my senses. At first it was hard to concentrate with so much distraction around. I was a bit nervous also having my eyes closed and sitting alone in the park. This is Montreal, i didn't know if i was going to open my eyes to some dude looking down on me and wanting my shoes or something ...
I was too anxious and this was not working out. My mind was going a 100km /hour. I just could not let go and that when i heard Alyson. She's my Yoga teacher and a wonderful woman and since i started studying with her has become like a guru to me. There she was in my head among the trees and the kids. She spoke softly reminding me of a lesson she had tough a few months back. Most people cannot clear their minds and the more they try the more stress they build up. Meditation isn't something that comes easy once must be relaxed and breath easily. You must let images and tough come to you. If you feel anxious just repeat this to your self.
My body is like a mountain,
My breath is like the wind,
And my mind is vast like the sky.

There i was in half lotus in the park with the wind blowing on me and the chants of birds, trees, kids playing and the sun shinning down on me. I got more than a tan that day. It was such a liberating experience. Like if the wind was clearing me of this poison and the sun filling me with energy. it's impossible to describe what i felt and my progress towards enlightenment.

Alyson
Thank you for your energy and wisdom.

I hope you will all go out and enjoy the few last days of summer weather while it lasts. This weekend is sidewalk sale on St-Laurent. Hope to see you there.

The Beginning

I’ve decided to create this blog to document this new beginning in my life. This new beginning started Tuesday when my boss took me aside to give me my yearly evaluation. We walked into a room where this woman from hr was already sitting waiting. My situation was explained to me briefly. This woman whom I will keep anonymous went on to explain that I possess several great qualities and that I was very well liked by my team. Yet the company was putting an end to my employment with after 1 year as an assistant merchandiser (assistant buyer).
It was a bit of a shock yet I feel relieved. There was my chance to brake free from this hierarchy of gossip oriented 450’s with no taste and know it all divas with moustache. I cannot generalize because I have had the chance to meet some wonderful people which I sure hope will stay in my life for ever.
That same night I meditated and could only think of how much of a failure I was. How could I not be up to the job? There had never been a job or anything I was not up to do. The words of encouragement from my co-workers resonated in my head like little atom bombs and
suddenly it came to me. Get off your ass and just do it! Just because these people can’t see your potential doesn’t mean you don’t have any. So fuck them and prove to yourself that you can achieve anything.
So here I am at the first step in my journey.